turbo heaven 🌼 kaworu

[outdistanced]

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[peripheries]

[don't look at him like that! He'll just look at his shoes then.]

Do you really trust that?

[outdistanced]

[ chews on the inside of his cheek. ]

Zhongli said that they're making progress there. I don't know what that means, but I trust him.

[peripheries]

I'll try to trust him too then.

[gripping his hands together again.]

Claude sent me a letter and said I should keep trying to trust. So I'll do that.

[outdistanced]

...Yeah. Zhongli had said something similar, too.

They're asking a lot when things are the way they are here.

[ people getting possessed, and/or murdered. trust is a rare commodity. ]

[peripheries]

Yes. I don't understand how I'm supposed to trust it. I'm afraid for people here. The empty promise of seeing them again doesn't make up for what it feels like to lose them.

I'm trying but-[just clasping his fingers together as tightly and possible. He doesn't want to betray anyone with his words so he stays quiet. ]

[outdistanced]

I think everyone feels that way, man. Losing people is hard. Letting yourself care when any one of us could die... that's hard. You aren't alone, there.

[peripheries]

The more you care for someone, the happier being with them makes you. But it also makes the fear of losing them grow too. If you avoid fear, you avoid happiness too.

[Softly. He isn't used to having his feelings validated.]

I am glad I didn't lose you. Even if it's just for today and tomorrow might bring something terrible.

[outdistanced]

...Yeah. It means there's a lot more you might end up, regretting, too, if you don't even try.

[ which is. unfortunately a very familiar feeling for laurence. ]

Surprised you haven't gotten sick of me already. [ hah. it's a bad attempt at a joke, but still. ] I can't make any promises except that I'll try not to let anything happen.

[peripheries]

Exactly. I don't want to use this time learning how to regret when I could spend it more moments being happy. Even if it hurts sometimes.

[He finally loosens the grip between his hands, fingers now simply intertwined without tension.]

I know you can't promise anything. We can just spend time together. I couldn't be sick of you because I like you very much.

[outdistanced]

That's how we're all supposed to live, I think.

[ kaworu makes that sound a lot easier than it is, most of the time.

...and he's so not used to someone being that upfront with him that he kind of flusters a little. tsun problems. ]

I just - I know I'm not that easy to get along with. So.

[peripheries]

That's true. But I also better understand how the fear of pain drives people to live other ways.

[He's an annoying alien guy like that! And also like this!]

I think a life of only doing things that are easy probably leads to a life of regrets. So even if it's difficult, you are worth it.

[outdistanced]

Yeah, well. I never said any of us are good at living that way. I’m definitely not.

...You really just say shit.

[ man. ]

[peripheries]

Is it something that I shouldn't say?

[He's just honest. And he could lie but it doesn't feel right. But if people don't like what he says then... perhaps he should lie.]

[outdistanced]

Not what I meant. Most people just... aren't that straightforward with stuff, I guess. It's a little embarrassing sometimes.

[peripheries]

I see. I guess I'm still learning.

[Two steps forward and one step back, never quite making it to where he wishes he were.]

[outdistanced]

[ sighs. he didn't mean it like that but he is physically incapable of saying so, probably. ]

Aren't we all.