[He says but he really doesn't see. It's a shellshocked response. In fact, he's more confused than ever about what it means to care for someone and and what it means to like someone and everything in between.
Something wet drips onto his arm and he realizes that for the second time in his life there's tears in his eyes.]
[The flood of new emotions... things he could have felt, things people might feel about him. He reached up to scrub at his face, watching tears drip onto his knuckles.]
I have people I'm fond of. But I also think having a friend is different than what I thought it was. I'm still trying to understand.
[Before he thought someone would just declare you a friend and that was that. You had a special bond. Now, he understands it's more complicated. But not exactly what it is. It's caring and being cared for. Bringing someone water. Letting them hold a precious toy.
He hiccups.]
I know. I know the world is chaotic and beyond our control but emotions are-[He huffs.] So heavy. How do you feel them and and not feel like you're drowning in them?
[ maybe laurence has no room to talk, but he feels... a little bad for kaworu. even knowing about his upbringing and what he was raised for, not knowing what having a friend is like is kind of sad. even iris knew, and probably made penny to fill the gap. ]
That's not enough for you to call someone a friend? Sometimes liking someone and spending time with them is all it is.
[ rubs neck. ]
Sometimes, I do. I think that's why I started crying, in that memory. It was too much, and I got overwhelmed. [ ... ] But it isn't always like that - that heavy. Sometimes it's good to feel.
[ like that wisp of a memory within a memory - a time when the world was brighter, and laurence could laugh with a dear friend. before the reality of the tower started to sink in and fear took a stronger hold in him than joy. ]
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outdistanced) wrote2025-02-17 01:23 pm
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[He says but he really doesn't see. It's a shellshocked response. In fact, he's more confused than ever about what it means to care for someone and and what it means to like someone and everything in between.
Something wet drips onto his arm and he realizes that for the second time in his life there's tears in his eyes.]
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Ah- shit, Kaworu, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean--
[ THIS IS HIS FAULT AAAAAAA ]
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[The flood of new emotions... things he could have felt, things people might feel about him. He reached up to scrub at his face, watching tears drip onto his knuckles.]
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[ well. that's not true. he knows, it's just hard to own up to. ]
I was... a little overwhelmed when that happened. I'm sorry, Kaworu, you shouldn't be the one dealing with it.
[ just. kind of hovers, unsure what to do but clearly concerned?? ]
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[He doesn't seem alright but he's clearly trying to be... furiously wiping the tears that keep running.]
You all feel so much. How do you handle it?
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[ just. for the record. laurence often isn't. ]
We don't really have a choice but to handle it one way or another. Usually that's what talking to friends is for... or anyone you trust, I guess.
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[He wipes at his face again and takes a shuddering breath. He feels dizzy... there's so much going on in his head and his heart.]
I just need to figure out how to regulate these feelings. Then I can control them.
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laurence sighs, suddenly exasperated, too. ]
Dude... Seriously, not everything can be controlled.
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[Before he thought someone would just declare you a friend and that was that. You had a special bond. Now, he understands it's more complicated. But not exactly what it is. It's caring and being cared for. Bringing someone water. Letting them hold a precious toy.
He hiccups.]
I know. I know the world is chaotic and beyond our control but emotions are-[He huffs.] So heavy. How do you feel them and and not feel like you're drowning in them?
no subject
That's not enough for you to call someone a friend? Sometimes liking someone and spending time with them is all it is.
[ rubs neck. ]
Sometimes, I do. I think that's why I started crying, in that memory. It was too much, and I got overwhelmed. [ ... ] But it isn't always like that - that heavy. Sometimes it's good to feel.
[ like that wisp of a memory within a memory - a time when the world was brighter, and laurence could laugh with a dear friend. before the reality of the tower started to sink in and fear took a stronger hold in him than joy. ]