I have people I'm fond of. But I also think having a friend is different than what I thought it was. I'm still trying to understand.
[Before he thought someone would just declare you a friend and that was that. You had a special bond. Now, he understands it's more complicated. But not exactly what it is. It's caring and being cared for. Bringing someone water. Letting them hold a precious toy.
He hiccups.]
I know. I know the world is chaotic and beyond our control but emotions are-[He huffs.] So heavy. How do you feel them and and not feel like you're drowning in them?
[ maybe laurence has no room to talk, but he feels... a little bad for kaworu. even knowing about his upbringing and what he was raised for, not knowing what having a friend is like is kind of sad. even iris knew, and probably made penny to fill the gap. ]
That's not enough for you to call someone a friend? Sometimes liking someone and spending time with them is all it is.
[ rubs neck. ]
Sometimes, I do. I think that's why I started crying, in that memory. It was too much, and I got overwhelmed. [ ... ] But it isn't always like that - that heavy. Sometimes it's good to feel.
[ like that wisp of a memory within a memory - a time when the world was brighter, and laurence could laugh with a dear friend. before the reality of the tower started to sink in and fear took a stronger hold in him than joy. ]
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outdistanced) wrote2025-02-17 01:23 pm
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[ well. that's not true. he knows, it's just hard to own up to. ]
I was... a little overwhelmed when that happened. I'm sorry, Kaworu, you shouldn't be the one dealing with it.
[ just. kind of hovers, unsure what to do but clearly concerned?? ]
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[He doesn't seem alright but he's clearly trying to be... furiously wiping the tears that keep running.]
You all feel so much. How do you handle it?
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[ just. for the record. laurence often isn't. ]
We don't really have a choice but to handle it one way or another. Usually that's what talking to friends is for... or anyone you trust, I guess.
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[He wipes at his face again and takes a shuddering breath. He feels dizzy... there's so much going on in his head and his heart.]
I just need to figure out how to regulate these feelings. Then I can control them.
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laurence sighs, suddenly exasperated, too. ]
Dude... Seriously, not everything can be controlled.
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[Before he thought someone would just declare you a friend and that was that. You had a special bond. Now, he understands it's more complicated. But not exactly what it is. It's caring and being cared for. Bringing someone water. Letting them hold a precious toy.
He hiccups.]
I know. I know the world is chaotic and beyond our control but emotions are-[He huffs.] So heavy. How do you feel them and and not feel like you're drowning in them?
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That's not enough for you to call someone a friend? Sometimes liking someone and spending time with them is all it is.
[ rubs neck. ]
Sometimes, I do. I think that's why I started crying, in that memory. It was too much, and I got overwhelmed. [ ... ] But it isn't always like that - that heavy. Sometimes it's good to feel.
[ like that wisp of a memory within a memory - a time when the world was brighter, and laurence could laugh with a dear friend. before the reality of the tower started to sink in and fear took a stronger hold in him than joy. ]