outdistanced | turbo heaven 🌼 chrono

Yeah. Someone still gets hurt.

[ getting all of that out has left him feeling entirely drained. all he'd meant is just to explain why he felt like he'd needed to leave, as he'd been asked - this had definitely overstepped that goal, offered more than he'd wanted to give. but it's lighter, to have spoken it aloud. sharing a pain, at this lowest point. the echo of emotion that makes him feel justified, in all his fears and frustrations.

and it's nice, to be told that it was untrue. even if he can't entirely believe it, he wants to try.

he twists away in the chair, one hand still holding laurence's like a lifeline. it's difficult to get comfortable, hospital chair against a wall not an ideal place to be sleeping, but it's not like his body could ache much more than it already did. there was no way he could ever leave now. ]

You can't make it go away. Nothing can, like this. But...

[ he lets the anger and grief go for a second. the simple warmth he feels, being with someone he cares for; the relief he'd felt, when laurence had hugged him back this morning; the happiness from the earlier week, their dance at the party, the conversation with taair when he'd looked after them post-trial; things to hold onto, that remained under everything, given a chance to exist in the foreground for just a moment. ]

Being here helps. [ a deep exhale, as the emotional walls start rebuilding themselves. ] I guess... just let me be here for you, Laurence.

[ he knew he couldn't do anything to change it, but it still kind of hurts to hear. not that that's chrono's fault, or laurence's, or anyone's, but... laurence really never liked seeing anyone miserable. even with iris, he always felt a little bad about abandoning him the way that he did, and not being there when he was really needed.

he just doesn't want to make that mistake again. even if it's a little frightening to be that vulnerable.

...it's nice to have a break from all the bad, though, even if it's just a moment through all the misery. they can afford that, right? ]

Okay. [ he breathes a sigh, and tries to let some of the tension go with it. ] Then don't leave me.

[ don't leave. don't die. it's all the same, at this point. ]

I don't want to.

[ it's the only answer he can give. anything more is too much like a promise they both know they can't keep. his chest aches, anyway, overfull with too much to pick through. all he can do is squeeze laurence's hand, and after a contemplative moment, shift to loosely interlock their fingers. it's an easier hold, with them on different levels of seating.

warmth, gratitude, and relief to soothe that hurt. it's not laurence's responsibility to fix this, and he's sorry that it makes him hurt at all. he wishes, badly, it could just be this for longer, but logically the anger will fight its way back on top eventually. they can afford this moment, though, yes.

i can't lose you too. ]

...hey, Laurence? One question?

[ it's nice to hear, anyway, and the best that anyone can offer in a place like this. most people here never chose to leave, after all. it's just how it is. heaven really isn't the paradise it's supposed to be and he's more bitter about it every day.

but he can set that aside for a little while. they always get a few days after expelling someone to relax and forget to be too stressed about it, anyway, and he's also just. tired. so he just kind of settles back onto the hospital bed and tries not to think too hard about the residual pain that cuts through the medication. ]

Sure. What is it?

[ chrono lets him settle back, trying to find his own comfort in the awkward chair. he's slept on worse, though, so after a moment he kind of gives up and kicks his legs out, tipping his head back against the wall. maybe he'll go grab a pillow once laurence is asleep. ]

Mm. You said eighteen. Did you have a birthday?

[ he remembers his profile reading seventeen, because they were the same. ]

[ ...ah? he blinks in surprise. ]

Uh. Yeah. It was a couple weeks ago - the 24th.

Oh.

[ pretty early into this whole mess. it may have been a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime ago. ]

Well, it's not much now, but. Happy birthday.

[ he'll give his hand a gentle squeeze, and drop the hold so he can rest better. ]

[ well now he feels a little awkward? rubs his neck briefly with his now free hand as he gets more comfortable. ]

I don't really like making a big deal out of my birthday, anyway...

[ so he really hadn't told anyone lmao. how mortifying would it be to have people make it a whole thing. ]

...but thanks.

I'm not gonna go around yellin' about it, don't worry.

[ ...yeah no this chair situation is not working. reluctantly he gets up, joints screaming in protest like he's a much older person than he is. ]

Hold on a sec, I gotta go get a pillow and blanket.

[ son are you a teenager or a grandpa. he's self-conscious enough to feel a little bad for making chrono deal with that, but he nods. ]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ IT'S BEEN A ROUGH FEW WEEKS!!

anyway he'll go raid an empty rooms bed of its bedding and another quilt for good measure and just chuck it on the floor nearby. decided he hates the chair. we're blanket nesting in here. ]

If anyone gets mad about this they can shove it.

[ he could literally just grab some extra bedding from yves and laurence's room by now they have enough for several blanket forts

anyway he snorts ]

I don't think they'd care unless my injuries got worse somehow. I don't want to worry anyone, anyway.

[ he's not leaving the hospital just for pre-bloodied sheets man

ah yes much better. a humble nest for the fretting card game protagonist. he settles in, close but not too close, sighing as he shoves his head into the pillow. augh. ]

We're gonna be worried anyway, but it's a good thing. If we still feel things like that, it means we're not numb to it all.

[ they aren't ALL pre-bloodied wow we have enough to bring to curfews ]

...You sound like Basilio, saying stuff like that.

Hah, really? Well, it's true. Don't you think?

[ oh, wow, his head hits the pillow and he's like. instantly more relaxed. not quite ready to sleep yet, though, not while laurence is still awake. ]

...get some sleep, man.

I just think it'd be easier, sometimes, if we didn't have to feel that way.

[ but that's really just his privilege speaking in having never lost anyone, iris aside.

he is exhausted, though, so he'll be out before long. ]

turbo heaven 🌼 chrono

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