outdistanced | turbo heaven 🌼 chrono

[ the grief swallows him whole, from losing majima and ali, to watching a friend kill another friend mid-trial, to... having to be the one to kill a friend himself. it's too much, in too short a time. it makes him feel like he's drowning, like maybe he sank into that water alongside akihiko and this is what it's like, to be a lost soul.

chrono is the lifeline keeping him afloat, though it takes a while to resurface and the tears to start to dry up. he only has so much energy for crying with the adrenaline finally running out, so he settles instead into shaky breaths, making the desperate attempt to get himself back on steady ground, but he doesn't pull away.

he's probably so gross and making chrono gross, too, so there's the faintest twinge of guilt for that that he can't bring himself to care about. ]

I... [ there's a thick knot in his throat, making it hard to speak. he tries again after swallowing against it. ] I didn't know... my powers could be used like that.

[ it never even occurred to him that he could hurt someone like that, let alone kill. ]

[ the pit that grief causes is bottomless. loss is unfathomable, driving people to their own precarious edges. he's seen it too often, felt it himself. but actually feeling someone else's void of it is heavier than he'd anticipated, and when it registers it almost makes his knees buckle with the pain.

it's only determination that keeps him stable, fueled by rage and the strange, cold melancholy of this very specific sad gratitude.

i can't lose anyone else. i can't lose you. ]

You don't have to use them like that. [ his own voice is hoarse, and his hold tightens around him. ] You shouldn't have had to.

[ a twist of frustration curls his fists into the back of chrono's clothing. ]

I didn't - I didn't want to.

[ he's still a little angry, at akihiko for killing and making him do this, guilty for being so afraid of someone he called a friend, and for dragging it out so much. he should have known better. they can only ever run for so long. ]

...I hate this place.

[ he has since charlie died, since the first execution became the second, then the third, and on and on. something about having his hand forced like that, though... that's going to sit with him forever. ]

Of course you didn't want to. You weren't even tryin' to hurt him. We could see.

[ because aside from the brief fistfight, which had seemed more out of frustration, anger and terror rather than any true bloodlust, laurence hadn't once attacked on purpose. his portals ending up the way they did seemed like instinct rather than anything else, and... chrono bitterly suspected the hand forced more than just his presence.

a spike of utter contempt lances through chrono's chest. being stuck in this weekly cycle, only given promises that never seemed to fix anything; these letters and gifts, cryptic to the point of annoyance; the way these executions played out, with all the indifference only something outrageously powerful could muster. and that was being kind, to assume it indifference.

laurence had dealt with enough this week alone to fill a lifetime. chrono's heart ached for him, with the kind of furor and sorrow one could only muster for the sake of others. no, indifference was too kind. it was cruelty, plain and simple. ]

Fuck, me too. [ after a moment he shifts them a bit, hand angling laurence's face away to inspect the split lip and bruised cheek. ] Damn, nasty. Are your hands still numb? Electrocution is really bad.

[ there's still a regretful feeling, though, one that says that maybe he should have tried harder to stop it from happening, anyway. he doesn't say that out loud.

everything is raw after the execution, still overwhelming, so he tenses a little at the wave of negative emotion from chrono. but forces himself to take a deep breath and tries to force himself to loosen his grip, unaware of how he's begun to tremble as the adrenaline slowly starts to taper off.

chrono's allowed to move him. he doesn't react immediately. ]

I... guess so? [ mumbling. ] It doesn't hurt right now.

[ probably why he could walk off like he did. ]

turbo heaven 🌼 chrono

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